a soon to be mother

now I know why a mother will love her child endlessly

I never meet my son in a person, yet

but I already know when shit happens in between us, I know I will protect my son at all cost

I love him, deeper than anyone

even before I meet him

I know that he will be the person that I will always love no matter what

please be strong

grow up healthily

live a good life

surrounding yourself with people who loves you

even when they don't love you, they will let you grow with their constructive critics

be humble, always

mama loves you

mama always loves you

23 and pregnant

I never thought, that I will be carrying a baby in me when I am only 23.
Because I thought it will be when I am 24 or 25.
A year or two earlier.
I felt him kicking.
Or sometime he's moving around.
Or stretching his little body.

I don't get the idea about how to be the ideal mom.
But one thing that I believe is life is a non-stop learning process.
Even my mom is still learning how to be a good mom to me,
while to be a good grand mother for my son.
Everyone is learning.
There is always a first time for everyone.
Nobody is perfect indeed.

I put myself first.
But when I know I'm having him with me,
he is on my top list.
I spent almost my day just for thinking of him.
Thinking about is he comfortable enough if I'm doing this.
Is he will be okay if I buy him clothes like this.
Is he will be okay if I am having a simple massage.
Is he will be okay if I am a bit running to catch a train to work.
Then I just put him first.
No exception.

I just understand what is the meaning of
"I love you before I met you".
I feel it right now.
I love my son, before I met him.
So does my husband,
and all of my big family.
It's an unconditional love.
A love that I never able to explain about how deep it is.

Dear son,
Let's meet up when you are ready to meet us.
Find your own way to meet us.
Be healthy, be steady.
The world is a harsh place to stay,
so I am always hoping that you will be strong enough to fight it all.
Tell us everything.
We will listen to every bit of your story.
We will always be there when you need us.


Mama and Papa love you.
See you soon, K.